Its been a minute since I have took the time out to talk about myself. With all this tragedy going on around me, work and with school I just have not had time. Although, I do have a therapist that I talk and vent to, I am still an angry black woman. I am so angry at the things that people have done to me this past year. I'm so angry at the shit that I have put up with and its driving me crazy. People are living in my head rent free and I am ready to evict them. I want these people out of my life officially in the year 2013. I talk to my therapist about a lot of the shit I am angry about and she listens and give great advice. But I still have vengeance on my heart and I often ask myself if given the chance would I exact revenge on people. I honestly wouldn't because all this hate is tiring me out and what's really killing me is that I am an honest person and I want to get what I have to say off my chest. I have always been open and honest with people. I try to spare people feelings until I am about to explode and I can't deal with it anymore. But when I get to that point people get their damn feelings hurt and think I'm fucking crazy for spazzing the fuck out.
I often ask myself why do the good die young and yet trifling, no good, motherfuckers are still walking this damn earth. This sound harsh but I wish my Grandmother who raised me could trade places with my mother, the one who abused me. My grandmother would be living and consuming me with her love and my mother who isn't capable of loving anyone would be nothing more than a pile of ashes. Life is not fair at all and God did give us hope and the holy spirit he is also raining blessings down on me. But I am sick of people getting away with doing foul shit to me.
Just like this son of a bitch who had everybody thinking I'm the crazy one for sending off those emails. Oh. So people really believed I did that shit for no reason? Yeah ok. I'm not even going to get into the details. Does it make you feel good that I had to get my abusive mother to take me all the way to court 2 1/2 hours away? Does it make you feel good to know that she pushed me out of her car and left me out there? I guess you got your revenge. It hurts that I lose sleep at night hating this particular person. I hate him so much I dream about him. Whats really pathetic is that I lose sleep at night and yet he is enjoying life. I want his ass to suffer. But we all want what we can't have so I just say fuck it.
Maybe I feel this way because I still haven't cried about all the shit I went through this past Winter/Spring. I feel like if I cry then they will win and they have got to me. I don't want them to get to me I want them to suffer. Maybe I need to have a good cry. What do you think?
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