Does Tyler Perry Films Make it Seem As Though Black Women Need a Man To Bring Them Out of Their Circumstance

Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I Can Do Bad All By Myself. Meet The Browns. Madea Goes To Jail. *pops strawberry in mouth* Now, Good Deeds. Why is it that all Tyler Perry films plot around a black woman down on her luck, struggling to make ends meet when a handsome rich black man comes along and lifts her up. Doesn't this make black women kind of look bad? I mean, it makes it seem as though black woman do not have what it takes to make it on their own, to get back on their feet when they have fallen off. Don't get me wrong, I love TP because he is a very positive person and loves to help people. I also love his films and plays because they put a smile on my face and are very entertaining. But after watching the trailer for "Good Deeds", I am beginning to wonder if TP and America actually believe that black women that are in a bad season, really need a man to lift them up.
 These storylines are starting to get a little offensive to me. It is bad enough gold diggers are out here sleeping around to keep Christian Louboutins on their feet and Coach on their arms. So to make films like these makes me feel like black women no longer knows what it takes to be independent anymore. Heck, I had to check myself because I found myself wishing that a tall, dark, handsome man with a lot of money will roll up beside me in his Mercedes and take me away from all the stuff I have been going through. It wouldn't hurt for that to happen but still, nine times out of ten no fine man is going to roll up on me in a luxury car and take me away to a mansion, where we will live happily ever after.
  Why should it ake a man to help us get our finances together, our lives in order, our mentality in check. Just like a woman can't teach a man how to be a man, a man can't teach a woman how to be a strong woman. The only man we should look forward to, to save us is Jesus. This is why women are out here seeking a earthly man to do so much for us when we don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. Because of these stupid books about how to find the perfect rich man, and these movies about broke down, busted and disgusted single moms, who are about to be evicted and out on the streets, when Prince Charming shows up on their back porches talking about how he knew he was in love with her when he saw her in the food bank line where he volunteers at.
  Its starting to get disgusting and down right degrading. We don't need a man to wisk us off to Rich Land where we never have to worry about a bill and get spoiled to death by King Handsome. This is beginning to make us look bad. Not just black women. ALL WOMEN. Think about it.

When Parents Abandon You, God Will Take Care of You.

My parents have never really been there for me, at all. Other family members have been picking up their slack for years. Truthfully, my parents refused to take care of their responsibility. When my mother had no choice but to take care of me she abused me viciously, letting me know daily how she didn't want me, couldn't stand me, and wished I was taken away from her. Well when she became hooked on drugs and in and out of jail, despite all of the abuse I endured with her, despite all the money she stole from me, despite the fact that she sold my newborn full blooded red pitt bull for five bucks, I still stood by her.
  I visited her in jail, I put money on her books, I was the only one who was writing her in jail, let alone visiting her. I gave her encouragment, I forgave her for the past, and I was ready to move on and start a new relationship with her. I told myself the past is the past and she's a better person.
  Well when she became clean and a ministry took her in, she started doing ministeral training. When she started doing that, she became not only emotionally abusive but verbally abusive towards me as well. I mean lying on me to people at her church to get things she wanted, telling people I was on DRUGS to make herself look good and get things she wanted. She would yell and berate me in public and still I forgave her because kept I thinking of that rule in the bible. "Honor your mother and father" Eph. 6:2 (NLT). So because of that scripture alone I kept taking abuse off of her.
  However, there is always that one straw that breaks the camel's back. That one situation that happens that causes you to step back and say, No that is enough. According to Eph. 6:4 "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, by the way you treat them" (NLT). Parents are not to bully, abuse, or mistreat their children, pushing them to break the above rule.
  You'll know the situation I'm in, about me having to move really soon. My mother was blessed with a three bedroom house of her own, so I humbly came to her and asked her if I could just rest at her home at night. You know, somewhere to just rest my head at during the night. Well, after berating me for an half of an hour she told me I had too much baggage to live in her house. I was so shocked at what she said to me, I calmly said "I certainly do apologize, you don't have to ever worry about me again". And she hung up in my ear. I haven't heard from her since.
  Christ does not want us to be foolish and allow people to abuse and misuse us. We are to honor our mothers and fathers, but some of us may have to love them from a distance. You are NOT to disrespect them, call them names, write them off as your parents, put them in a nursing home and leave them there to die. No. That does not honor God, it makes you look horrible, and it does NOT make it right.
  I know exactly how you feel. Why is it that Mom and Dad gets away with treating me like a garbage pail kid? Who said they were getting away with it? We have to let God fight our battles for us. Having vengeance in our hearts combined with hurt and pain can destroy us. We must learn to forgive those that do us wrong. "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you" 6:14 (NLT). This goes for not just your parents but for anyone who does you wrong.
  I'm going to be honest with you guys and say that I have signed up for spiritual counseling with my pastor. Because I have a lot of anger building up towards my mother. Everyday, I have to restrain from calling and texting her, telling her how she's a poor excuse for a mother. That's not of God, at all. There is nothing wrong with seeking counseling. To be honest, I should have gotten spiritual counseling a lonnnnnng time ago.
  Getting counseling does not mean you're crazy or out of control. It means that you have decided to let things go. To work towards accepting the things you can't change. My heart really goes out to the men who have absentee fathers. We have to be prepared to accept that our mothers and\or fathers may not love us the way we need and want to be loved. However, God is a healer. God gives us what we need in our lives. That is why we have spiritual sisters, mothers, fathers, parents.
  The Lord knows our desires, He knows that those without parents or good parents desire this. So this is why God places parental and sibling figures in our lives, to fill that void. Isn't God grand?
But please remember, the cycle stops with you. You know how it feels to be treated horribly by a parent. So break the cycle by the way you treat your children. Love ya!    

Having Sex With People Because You're Under Stress and Loaded with Problems

It doesn't work. Plain and Simple. The problem doesn't go away and you end up feeling even worse. You feel so much conviction for having premarital sex that you feel like you deserve to get struck by lightening. And almost always, you feel like an airhead because you wasted your time.
Let's go through a scenario right quick. You're a christian woman, and the devil is alllllll up in your business. I'm talking about your money is gone, bills piling up, no job, no job call backs, you're praying every night, you got the church praying, you're writing letters to God trying to find out what's going on up there, you're just under tremendous warfare and you are stressed out.
So you meet this guy out of the blue, and he looks good. His conversation is nice, he's intelligent and he seems open minded. So in the midst of the conversation you start talking about the problems you're having. He tells you things you want to hear, like "Everything will work out." "You know Golden Corral on Military Hway hiring" or "Let me talk to my manager, see what he can do." So you feel a little better because, you have met a guy that is showing you that he is actually concerned.
  Weeks go by and the guy is blunt and tells you how he wants to spend time with you at his crib. You tell him no you can't, just wouldn't be a good idea. But the guy is persistent, and he tells you how he just wants you to come over and relax because he knows you've been having long days.
  You have been feeling a sense of abandonment lately during this trying time. You have been praying a lot, you've been looking high and low for a job, the stacks of bills are reaching the ceiling and you are feeling forgotten. Like, the rapture has come and you got left behind. This guy is in your ear telling you how he wants to make you feel better, he wants to hold you, he's going through things on his job as well.
  This sounds so good to you because there is actually someone out here in the physical world that gives an ounce about you. A man that actually cares about your feelings! A man that wants to hold you and make you feel better because he understands you're going through something! So you think.
  He takes you out to eat, you'll talk, you're feeling relaxed. He takes you to his crib, you'll are watching tv and talking. He kisses you, you kiss him back. Ball game. *Sigh* *Insert disappointed face here*
  After the deed is done, you feel like God is giving you the side eye. Like He is shaking His finger down at you. Like He is about to write you a no pass go, do NOT collect 200 hundred dollars, ticket straight to hell. Like he has put up a picture of you and a sign that says "DO NOT LET THIS WOMAN IN". Conviction is so heavy on your heart that you are trying to hold back tears as you ask him, "Do you mind if I take a quick shower?" You feel even more emberassed when he shrugs his shoulders, turns over and starts snoring real loud. Then you feel anger because you're like what the heck is he so tired for? It only lasted five minutes! He didn't even make sure I was satisfied! So you and your sore vagina (because he didn't take into consideration the fact that you have been celibate for a year) go into the shower where you cry, repent, and beg for forgiveness.
  Your problems are still there, you still feel lonely, and you still feel abandonment. But don't worry there is always a cure. The prescription. The doctor that is always on standby, if you didn't consult with Him first. Kannnnnng Jeeeeeeesus *singing voice*. He did not leave you. You have not been abandoned. You have not been left behind. He loves you. Gorl, God loves you. He cares. He got your back.
  Let me drop some scriptchaaaaaa! *Preacher voice*: God loves us more than you could ever know *angelic voice* "For God loved the world so much that He gave His only begotten son, so that whosoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life" John 3:16 (NLT). So He loves you. He died for our sins. You are forgiven, you know what you did was wrong. You know not to do it again. Stop letting the enemy confuse you. We all fall down, but you just have to get back up and do better.
  You are under stress due to finances, bills, credit, and so on because the list goes on. "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest" Matt. 11:28 (NLT). *Shouts* Cast your cares upon the Lord! *Joyce Meyer voice*  I mean stressing and worrying will get us nothing but wrinkles, premature gray hair, and dark circles under our eyes. The only thing we can do is keep doing what we are doing. Doing the best we can to help ourselves. I had to learn that the hard way.
  Worrying is the same thing as stressing. We up all night worried to death about how on earth we're going to pay the mortgage, the light bill, some people worry to death about paying the cable bill. I personally think a cell phone bill is more important than a cable bill. I'm just saying. But we can't worry about things beyond our control. "Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?" Matt.6:27 (NLT) No. If anything it puts you in a early grave. We can not afford to worry.
  We must to continue to pray. I know. I understand because I feel the same way, right now, today. Praying day after day, night after night, minute by minute for the same things to change can be exhausting. I'm going to keep it real....It can be tedious. But...."Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for." Matt. 7:7 (NLT). We have to also remember that God's time, is NOT our time.
Ladies, don't let the enemy in like that. Ever. Love ya!

The Difference Between Being Spoiled and Being Treated Like a Human Being

Ok. So if you have been paying attention or reading my blogs the last few days, then you should know what my situation is. If not. Please read the past few blogs and get a detail of what's going on. I have been looking for employment for months and months and months. I have filled out online applications, sent out resumes, filled out paper applications, passed out my resume, sent out smoke signals, sent out tweets, sent out linked in messages, sent out ESP signals to the hiring manager as I handed them my application. I have literally stood there for ten minutes explaining to the manager after I handed them my application why I am a good fit for the job. For them to just smile and say "We'll call you." What does a gorl have to do to get hired? I will NOT do anything strange, so please don't even put that in my comment box. But really what do I have to do to get hired? Should I make a t-shirt that says "HIRE ME OR DIE"? I should have a t-shirt made that says that. Then wear it everywhere I go looking for work. Then maybe an employer at SOMEBODY'S company will take me seriously. The majority of people who are in charge of hiring people value their lives, right? So if they see me come in wearing this t-shirt inquiring about a job, then that may boost my chances of getting hired. *Smile*.
  I was in class the other day and these chicks were talking. They weren't straight out of high school, they were you know twenty-somethings. However, I found it sad that their mentality was that of a teenage girl. I mean I could tell by their conversation that they were very simple minded, especially when it came to men. They were bragging on their men and how they are being spoiled to death at home. I found it very disturbing at their definitions of being spoiled. I want to explain the differences between being spoiled and being treated like the human being you are.
 1. Because your man picks you up from work or school on time, that does not mean he is spoiling you. He is showing consideration for a human being. Anyone with an ounce of care in their heart will pick someone up on time from work or school. Whether you are his girl. his mother, or his basketball playmate.

2. Just because your man "watches" his kids while you are at work, or while you go out with your friends for happy hour, does not mean he is spoiling you. He is taking responsibility as a parent and as a man. They're his kids!!!

3. Just because your man pays a bill and you two live together, does not mean he is spoiling you. It means he is taking the responsibility to pay his own way to live. What man would want his lady and children, let alone himself going home to a dark and cold house.

4. Just because your man washes the dishes while he's been sitting home all day, does not mean he is spoiling you. He got laid off, you still working and going to school, the least he can do is wash the dishes he messed up instead of playing Call of Duty all day long.

5. Just because your man lets you use his car to drop the kids off, go to work, pick up the kids, run errands on his day off while he does nothing but sit at home all day and play the new Madden that just came out for eighteen hours, does not mean he is spoiling you. He aint doing nothing else but sitting at home in his boxers, playing video games, eating chinese food, why shouldn't he let you use the car to take care of your business?!

 Read it and weep. Because some of you'll got the game all messed up, and it is getting real sad. I mean ladies conversing with me, bragging to me how they got a good man because he went out and paid half the rent for the first time in three years. HE LIVE WITH YOU!!! HE SHOULD BE PAYING HALF THE RENT!!!
 Now let me explain to you what being spoiled is.

1. Your man takes you out of the country twice in one week. Not out of town, not out of the city, not out of  the state. Out of the United States of America. Twice in one week.

2. Being spoiled is when your man purchases a three ct. princess cut diamond ring from Kay's Jewelers. And it is not an engagement. Its just to say he loves you.

3. Being spoiled. Is when your man buys you a car because he doesn't want you struggling trying to catch this bus to school and that train to work, and that cab to run errands.

4. Being spoiled is when your man surprises you and the kids with a trip to Disney World.

5. Being spoiled is when your man surprises you with a dinner on the beach that he cooked himself.
  Please read this. Study this. And adhere to this. Men will only do what you allow them to do. They're like children. They are such simple creatures. Its like I had to learn that the hard way, because I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that men were just that simple. Now wait a minute, I didn't say they were dogs. I am saying that they will do exactly what you allow them to do.

Valentine's Day ( Shut about it).

Here we go again. It is that time of year again. The time of year when all of the stores are selling high priced, high fat, high cholesterol chocolates, high priced fake, plastic flowers, or those flowers that die after just one day after purchase. The time of year when everybody either calls out of work, requests this particular day off of work, or go into debt booking expensive, cheesy romantic hotel suites to impress their significant other. The time of year when people take the initiative to show their significant other extra attention, while they complain 364 days out of the year that they don't show enough attention. If you're one of these people who go the extra mile for this overrated so called unofficial holiday, do you. I don't care. It's no money coming out of my pocket.
  But what grinds my gears about Valentine's Day, is the fact that my fellow singles tend to become a little dark, depressed, and suicidal. I mean closer and closer to VDay, facebook friends, twitter followers, classmates, co-passengers on the train, talk about how they're oh so depressed about being alone on Valentine's Day. For example: "I guess I'll be home alone on VDay with three gallons of Ben&Jerry Chunky Monkey ice cream, and my favorite movie 'Notebook'." Or from men I'll hear the famous line I hear every year from bitter and depressed men without Valentines. Example: "Yo F&*k VDay Yo! B&%^* aint  S**&% anyway!". No I think it' s just you with the problem. But this really grinds my gears because these people really let this one day put them at risk of being committed in a psych ward.
  Ladies. First of all. If you're single and you don't have a Valentine or any prospects of one, and someday you really would like to meet a guy, why would you pack on unhealthy pounds of junk food? Then after Valentine's Day you're going to be even more sad and depressed because you gained twenty pounds because you  ate your self into depressive stupor due to lack of a valentine. Another thing I hate, is when we all get together with our friends, go out to dinner, and bash men. Talk about how all men aint S&^@, how they don't care, how we're all tired of getting our hearts broken even though we date guys that we know are no good for us. Getting angry and drunk off of cheap moscato wine, to the point where we are no longer angry just sad. Then one chick starts tearing up then thats the start of a crying chain reaction. So now we're drunk, vulnerable and bored. So then we go our separate ways and on our way to each of our homes, we start drunk texting the last guy who broke our hearts demanding why? why? why?
   I aint going to front. I did that last year but I have matured since last year and this year is going to be different. First of all, I must admit that last year people went HAM on Valentine's Day on facebook. The pictures that was posted had me dying laughing out of my drunken anger. People posting pictures of rose petal covered beds, bowls of strawberries and whipped cream. Whips, chains, annnnd handcuffs. But what really had me dying laughing was the statuses that was being posted, all night long.
 You can tell who the people are that really have a valentine from the people who don't have one and just want to jump on the bandwagon. If you really have a valentine, and you're "getting in" being all romantic with your boo, you will NOT be on facebook updating statuses on everything you're doing TO your boo at that moment. You will NOT be updating statuses about how you just passionately kissed your boo to the point where she almost passed out. Come on, give us a break. You will NOT be updating statuses about how your man is giving you a deep tissue, full body massage and you're so hot and ready. STOP IT. Just stop it. You don't have a valentine. It's ok boo, a lot of us don't have valentines, don't feel bad.
  There are so many things you could do on Valentine's Day so that you don't feel like a loser. Here is a good one: Act like its just a regular day. Why? Because it is! You could also do something productive like: Go to work. Go to school. Do your normal activities like you would any other day. Why? Because Valentine's Day is just like any other day! Do you guys even know the history behind Valentine's Day? Oh? So all yall know about is flowers, candy, and romance? See this is why we are opressed.
 Another question. Who wants a man that only spoils and show extra love one day out of 365 per year?  I don't. *pops gum*
 

Leaning on God, When an old flame apologizes, Exhaustion

So today, I went to speak with my school counselor and her office was closed. So I have to try back tomorrow to see if she has anymore resources for me. I filled out an application for a position at Applebees and Chili's before my last class. Tomorrow I have to get up really early to go to the Chrysler Museum of Art and fill out an app there. I hope someone calls me back as soon as possible.
I am now officially leaning on God and reading the bible for comfort. Today that devotional by Joyce Meyers really gave me comfort, too. I feel more energetic than I did the last few days. I also have learned that I have to pray persistently and I can't give up because I don't see change in my time. Process is hard, though. Mad hard.
  Tonight on the train, on my way home, I received an inbox message on my facebook. It was a guy I went to high school with who treated me very unkind when we were together. After we separated, when he got a new girlfriend,he apologized to me about how he treated me, and wanted to be friends. I accepted his friendship for him to tell me that his girlfriend doesn't approve of this friendship and he couldn't speak to me anymore. Every other year, whenever this dude would get a girlfriend he would find some way to contact me, apologize to me, ask my friendship and cut me off again.
This time he tells me he's married, with a daughter and he just had to apologize to me because now he has a wife and child and wants to close the chapter to his dark pasts and now he's a true man of God that needs to prove his integrity. Did I believe him? No. Because due to the cycle he started, he has no credibility and he's an habitual liar. Do I forgive him? Oh absolutely. Did I read him like he was on hooked on phonics? Sure did.
I explained to him his little pathetic cycle, I pointed out how everytime he has a new girlfriend or fiance he feels the need to contact me out of guilt. Why? Is it because he wants me to know he's married now? Or because he has a daughter now? You know he denied it. But guess what? I forgive him, I'm happy for him, but honestly what does his life have to do with me? Nothing.
  Aside from that I'm just exhausted. I ate some oriental flavored ramen noodles for dinner and they were good. I also have a headache so I'm going to sit in the tub and relax. Then I'm going to study and sleep.

Ciao!

Still Pushing

I made a couple of phone calls this morning for housing assistance help. Something told me to call the Salvation Army to verify the information that was given to me. Thank God I did. The salvation army no longer picks people up, and they are full without a waiting list because it could be two years before an available space opens up. I called this other place that assists single women in  job placement and housing assistance as well. They told me I had to get a referral from a case worker then once I get the referral I would have to go through a panel interview with them, then fill out an application, then go through another interview, and if a space is available then I could move in. It could take about three to six months for the whole process to go through. So now I am going to have to talk to my school counselor in the Women's Center for any last minute resources she may have. Something will come through....I hope.
 My sister sent me a text message with a bible scripture for encouragment. I really appreciate it I need all the encouragement I can get. I am beginning to feel as though my prayers are evaporating into thin air. Just going up and not reaching anywhere. I cried myself to sleep last night out of frustration and anger. I am mostly angry with myself for not being smart financially and not seeing the writings on the wall. Scratch anger. I am disgusted with myself and I keep asking myself how could I have been so stupid. I really wish I could turn my back time, although there is no way I can turn my back time.
 The only thing I can do now is to continue to PUSH. You know. Pray Until Something Happens. My sis left a Joyce Meyer devotional on my FB wall that really helped me, a lot. I have to keep praying diligently and more concrete than ever. *Sigh* Thanks for listening.

A Ball of Tangled Mess

I had been depressed for the past couple of days. Searching dilligently for a job, putting in application after application for months to first getting interviews with no call backs to not getting interviews at all. Then when I do call back to check the status of an application I put in a week ago, I either get a rude sleazeball perpetrating to be the manager that tells me their not hiring or I get a manager that tells me to check back in a month.
  On top of not having a job, I have to move in a few weeks. I barely got enough financial aid to cover my textbooks so I'm not even sure if I'm getting a refund back. I'm solely depending on God to bless me with a hefty EIC when I file my taxes. I went to my school counselor who gave me a referral sheet. Unfortunately, there is a long waiting list and women with children get first priority. A deaconess from my church called me and told me she is doing what she can to help. She advised me that if nothing comes through at the last minute, to contact The Salvation Army shelter to pick me up.
  She also told me to talk to my counselor about the college putting students up in hotel rooms. I never heard of it, but I will definitely talk to them about it. She gave me a word of encouragement, and told me God will provide. It took everything in me to keep from crying and swallowing a bunch of pills I found in the medicine cabinet. I went online searching for rooms for rent that had one month free specials that I could use to buy myself time. There were none.
  Between studying for tests, homework, and packing what I can take with me, I'm in a ball of tangled mess. I've prayed for the same things for so long repeatedly all I ask God to do now is to please deliver me. Deliver me from everything, and to help me accept the things I can't change. I thank God for spiritual and parent like Sisters in Christ because my biological parents have never been there and won't be there.
I've accepted that and now I'm trying to move on. If there is room for me to move anywhere. I'm totally exhausted. 

SHAMELESS PLUGS FOR MY FELLOW FINANCIAL CRIPPLED PEOPLE

So I was researching on google ways I could get free stuff for being a student when I came across http://www.mysavings.com/. OMG!! They have samples of everythinnnnnnnnnnngg! From condoms to makeup. I just printed out a coupon for a free mini bottle of Bath&Bottle works Pink Chiffon lotion! I also sent off for several bottles of Calvin Klein perfume for women, a couple of tubes of toothpaste, and a bottle of organic bottle oil. Can you say thrifty?! I just wanted to drop that dime so that everybody can get their freebie on!! IM YOUR PUSHHHAAAA!

Little Black Girl- Rebekah She is very underrated

The Job Hunting Union, Studying Abroad Trip, and Walking by Faith

Today I got up bright and early to beat the pavement looking for work. Not only was it quite productive but I was also with a group of people. I stepped into iHOP's lobby where a gentleman was filling out an application, and once I retrieved mine I sat near him and began to fill out mine. Slowly more people began to trickle in, and more people sat down in the lobby filling out apps. I thought it was just a coincidence. But when I went next door to Captain D's and asked for an application and the cashier told me it had to be filled out online at least five people that was standing behind me turned around and walked towards the door. I advised them to go to iHOP to fill out a paper app. Basically, all this time I was kind of feeling like I was the only one out here in a dry season, and hunting for a job like a lion hunts antelope. Boy, was I wrong. Dead wrong. We all need to keep our heads up and our faith in God intact.
 When I stepped into Captain D's I browsed their menu to find out what I could get that wouldn't consume my whole five dollar bill. My stomach growled as I hungrily read the menu and I reached into my coat pocket to take out my five dollar bill when all I felt was lint, balled up tissue paper, and a brochure. Panic Button! I reached into the pockets of my jeans but they were empty. After the cashier told me I had to fill out an online app I ran back over to iHOP to check to make sure I didn't drop it. I was looking all over the parking lot and the sidewalk as I walked back over. All of these people out here that needs a job, I'm sure if they found my five dollars they wouldn't put out an APB about a lost five dollar bill.
 I stepped back into the lobby and poured everything out of my bookbag. And there at the bottom of my book bag, balled up in a tiny knot, scared to death was my five dollar bill. I praised God right there in the lobby. Lord knows, I needed my five dollars and not that three piece fried green tomato appetizer I had my heart set on buying.
 I want to study abroad so bad. On my trip to Richmond Wednesday this young lady was saying how she was going to study in Germany. I soooo want to study in London sooo baaadd. But guess what? My school is doing a study abroad trip to Ireland in May, scholarship funding is available. It is right on time because it is right after second semester ends and I really want to gooooooo! What's stopping me? Nothing. So that is so my goal.
  This Christian walk is definitely not by feelings or by sight, I am learning that every day. I mean right now I am tangled up worse than a ball of yarn, though I won't go into detail. To be honest, I dont know how I am going to get out of this mess. But I know I am going to get out of it, and soon. Pray for me. Will definitely pray for you.

Avril Lavigne-Alice I feel this way today.

My Visit to Church, Facebook Filtering, and Questioning my own College Motives

Last night I went to 6pm Praise and Worship at my church, I felt so much better. I also learned a lot in Bible Study. I felt so relaxed and good afterwards and when I went home my study hour went smoothly and I slept like a baby. I am blessed to have been lead by God to my new church home. Thank God. Something however occured to me last night as I was posting a new status on facebook before bed.
  I have got to do some serious facebook filtering and fast! I have never known people could be so ignorant on the internet. Now I fully support freedom of expression, speech and opinion, but there are people out here who are just crying for attention. At first, I thought facebook was just the devil so I took a little hiatus, you know, a fast from it. When I came back, I realized that it is not the actual website, though it does help. It is some of the people I am friends with and their horrible cries for attention.
  My pet peeve with statuses is that people post their prayers on the website. Even before I was in Christ, I never thought that was a good idea. There are people out here who do not want to see you do good. There are people out here that want you to fail miserably, because misery loves company. There is power in the tongue ( and maybe thoughts). But the tongue is very powerful because once you release words, you can not take them back and swallow them again. So when you put your prayers (Your desires, your needs, your wants) on a public site for everybody to see, of every religion, of every thought.....The enemy can get in the way of that prayer by saying something against it. You can't put everything on facebook! You just cant!! I learned that the hard way when I would vent up there. People start thinking you talking about them, people start getting offended. Heck, you can barely post your own opinion.
  So this is where filtering comes in and "friends" need to be deleted. For one, who wants or needs five thousand friends? I don't. Who wants to log in on a good day and see a depressing status about how they wish they were dead because they didn't receive a call back from their boyfriend? I dont. Who needs to read statuses posted by people who don't even know what the word humilty is? I'm talking about every status is about how much money they have, how they spend their money, how it must suck to be broke, and how they are sooo glad they are not broke. I don't want nor do I need to read that. This is why I need to do a good filtering of my social network.
 Today, after I went to my tutoring session with my Biology professor and after I listened to her tell me how I needed make flashcards for every word in two chapter that was written in bold print, I asked myself why I was even doing this. I love to read and write, and my ultimate dream is to make a living off of my brilliant publications. But then, I remembered that Stephen King got hundreds of rejections and I took my happy behind to the computer lab and printed out my study guides *Smile*.
 College can be so hard, and oh so stressful, especially when you are going through financial strains. I just lean on Christ because I know all of this will pay off in the end.

Rocky Morning, Rubbing Elbows, and Not so Business Etiquette

Today I had a very productive, full, revitalizing, interesting day. The first day of many days that I had a long day but it was a good day. This morning started off rocky due to me getting into petty arguments with a family member. Whatever. Then I found myself in extreme anger due to he said/she said fiasco and began to lash out. Now, anybody who know me or has known me all my life knows I have a horrible temper and that is because I let things build up without saying anything. People who also know me, knows that once I speak up I speak the whole truth and lay out examples. I was out of line, but that is exactly what I did because I have had enough. Needless to say, as usual people want to make you out to be the crazy one. Well, we all know how that goes so lets move on.
   Last week I signed up to go on a "field trip" to visit the delegates as well as the Governor to speak with them about how Tidewater Community College has helped me excel as a student, as well as how it accomodated me. We not only told them this but we also told them what could be done to better our community college, so that we could get funding. Lord knows we definitely need funding.
 I enjoyed speaking with Delegate Algie Howell, who told us about how we are given such a big opportunity and no matter how the going gets rough to stay in school. He explained to us that he had just turned seventy-four years. He was one of three out of sixteen students in his graduating class who graduated college. He also reminded us that he grew up during the Jim Crow days, minorities were not welcome in the military let alone college. So he repeatedly reminded us, with open honesty that we were very blessed to be afforded such a grand opportunity.
 Delegate Howell was also very honest when me and another student told him that were pursuing degrees in Psychology. Psychology, unless you have a Ph.D, is very low in demand in these bad economy days. He advised us to pursue to something close to Psychology, such as Sociology or perhaps something very close that would keep us in the job field.
  I respected Delegate Howell's honesty, and I hold the utmost respect for him. He worked hard in the military despite all odds, as well as through college. I also respect the fact that he is the fifth oldest delegate. However, not so many people felt the same way, and I respect that. But, it is not what you say, but it is HOW you say it.
  There is always this one revolutionary, anti-government, over militant, motor mouth person in a group when it comes to politics. And that is so fine, because when it comes to the tea party conservatives I can get like that too. BUT! I would never act like that if I was in a meeting of some sort with them. Granted, I would tell them how I felt and what I did not appreciate, but I would never be loud, beligerent, and rude.
  This particular person was very loud, rude, condescending, accusing the delegates of lying to their face. Mind you, we are in the House of Delegates, in an elevator full of executives, Letterboys (If you don't know what a Letterboy is, Google it), other delegates, possibly the Governor, and this person is talking trash about the delegates, the governor, and the spokesperson at the assembly. On top of that, other people were upset because our tour guide was trying to tell them  how to act in the building.  I'm talking making threats behind the tour guide's back in front of all the delegates while they are in ear shot. Sadly to say, these were my people acting this way.
  You know what I mean by my people. Black. African-American. Offsprings of sharecroppers. I was so emberassed, my already reddish brown complexion turned even redder. I looked like I had blood rushing to my head. I probably did  I was so  dizzy with emberassment. My African American brothers and sisters has got to do better. I am so sick and tired of my people emberassing me everywhere I go. I mean sheesh, I can't even go to the spa and get a relaxing mani and pedi without hearing or seeing an African American woman being loud, cursing demanding the nail tech that she better do her nails and feet right.
 I am so tired of walking up in Barnes & Nobles and over hearing my African American brothers talk trash very loudly and cursing. It is ridiculous and people we have got to do better, and we have got to act better. Needless to say, I ended up eating my complimentary lunch at the Tobacco Company in Richmond having meaningful conversation with my Caucasian people. At the end of the lunch I was then hit with another wave of emberassment when I heard my African American brothers and sisters cursing loudly at the next table close to where the board members were eating. So sad.

I Had a Bad Day (Dry Season Files)

I had a bad day in Biology class today. We were talking about Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons and adding and subtracting the numbers to get the atomic mass, when my mind totally went blank. I just simply didn't understand how those numbers came up. So I did what anybody would do when they didn't understand something with a test coming up next week. I raised my hand and told her that I didnt understand. Isn't that what any student who wants to keep a high GPA would do??? Right??? Well, not only did my dear professor tell me that she couldnt hold up the class to repeat what she already said, but she also asked me if I even read chapter 2. She also told me that I needed to come to tutoring ASAP. And people were snickering... Little bald headed, pimple faced, too tight clothes wearing....God forgive me. People just be trying me. But its all good, I bet I pass not only that test, but the entire class.
  Why? Because I will be in Tutoring every Thursday afternoon, worrying that lady half to death getting on her nerves. Speaking of which let me look at my syllabus and find out her office number. It is alllllll good.

Tangled up in the Rinse Cycle (First Entry to the Dry Season Diaries)

I am in a dry season...I am a season so dry I found myself  lurking under the couches of the house I live in looking for quarters, nickels, and dimes to do my laundry. I had two loads piled up in the hamper, I had no clean business casual clothes let alone clean underwear. So yeah, I had been walking around commando for the past two and a half weeks. I had to resort to wearing Yoga pants to school on that previous day. A few people I had run into gave me some job leads  and I have class assignment where some of us were going to Richmond on this Wednesday to meet up with the Governor and hear a couple of speeches.
  What is a girl to do? After making phone calls after phone calls asking people if I could either borrow change, or borrow their washer and dryer to get excuse after excuse, all my pride was out of the window. I had to make a move and fast. So I prayed about it, and made a big comical announcement on Facebook asking if anyone either had change...Or laundry facilities.  No one did. Anyway, I ended up really pushing my pride to the side and asking an old friend to borrow some cash to wash.
  He blessed me with it..Thank God..Even though I had to listen to him brag about how many women he had or how much money had in the bank. I'm still thankful.  Praise God...He untangled me from the rinse cycle.