I had been depressed for the past couple of days. Searching dilligently for a job, putting in application after application for months to first getting interviews with no call backs to not getting interviews at all. Then when I do call back to check the status of an application I put in a week ago, I either get a rude sleazeball perpetrating to be the manager that tells me their not hiring or I get a manager that tells me to check back in a month.
On top of not having a job, I have to move in a few weeks. I barely got enough financial aid to cover my textbooks so I'm not even sure if I'm getting a refund back. I'm solely depending on God to bless me with a hefty EIC when I file my taxes. I went to my school counselor who gave me a referral sheet. Unfortunately, there is a long waiting list and women with children get first priority. A deaconess from my church called me and told me she is doing what she can to help. She advised me that if nothing comes through at the last minute, to contact The Salvation Army shelter to pick me up.
She also told me to talk to my counselor about the college putting students up in hotel rooms. I never heard of it, but I will definitely talk to them about it. She gave me a word of encouragement, and told me God will provide. It took everything in me to keep from crying and swallowing a bunch of pills I found in the medicine cabinet. I went online searching for rooms for rent that had one month free specials that I could use to buy myself time. There were none.
Between studying for tests, homework, and packing what I can take with me, I'm in a ball of tangled mess. I've prayed for the same things for so long repeatedly all I ask God to do now is to please deliver me. Deliver me from everything, and to help me accept the things I can't change. I thank God for spiritual and parent like Sisters in Christ because my biological parents have never been there and won't be there.
I've accepted that and now I'm trying to move on. If there is room for me to move anywhere. I'm totally exhausted.
I am a Christian child abuse survivor, who has PTSD. No! I do NOT suffer from it. Yes. I take medication for it. I have known I had it for years but thought it was such a bad psychosis I went into denial. But I am here to let all Child Abuse Survivors and women with PTSD know that they are not alone. We can't do it yourselves, but with Christ we can!!!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
A Ball of Tangled Mess
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